One thing guaranteeing men’s prosperity is to have children
whom they
can help. [Kafi, v.6, p.2]
The
Position and Worth of Children
Children,
whether male or female, are the greatest and most beneficial blessing that God
has favored his servants with. The Prophet Abraham (Pbuh) did not have any
children and was sad about this. When he was very old, God gave his worthy
servant two sons: Ismael and Issac. Issac is the source of the divine Prophets
until the time of Jesus and Ismael is the source of all the Prophets to the time
of Muhammad, the last Prophet (Khatim-al-Anbiyaa), the Immaculate Imams and
thousands of wise men, mystics and religious jurisprudents A child is a great
blessing, a source of goodness, nobleness and benefit in this world and the
Hereafter for an individual. Of course, the reference is to an individual
believing in God and due to his belief trains his child to be a believer and a
good and worthy person. Abraham wholeheartedly praised God for being granted
offspring: Really, being granted offspring requires one to praise God.Praise
be to God, Who hath granted unto me in old age Ismael and Isaac: for truly my
Lord is He, the Hearer of Prayer! [Holy Quran: Abraham: 14:39, p.631.]We
understand from this noble verse that the position of offspring is so important
in life that Abraham requested children from God in his old age and his prayer
was answered. When Zacharias was old he prayed to God in the prayer niche to
give him a child.So
give me an heir as from Thyself, (One that) will (truly) represent me, and
represent the posterity of Jacob [Holy Quran: Maryam: 19:5-6]Ishaq
ibn Umar quotes on the authority of the sixth Imam:Mothers
and fathers depart from this world and benefit completely from the worship,
supplications and good deeds of their offspring in the case that their children
were believers.The
Prophet (Pbuh) stated:Five
people have left this world but their files have not been closed: Reward
continually is bestowed upon them. 1) The one who plants a tree 2) The one who
digs a water well for others to use 3) The one who builds a mosque 4) The one
who has taken down the Quran and 5) The one who leaves behind a worthy child.
[Bihar al-Anwar, v.104, p.97]The
sixth Imam said:When
Joseph saw his brother he asked him:How
are you going to make the preparations for marriage. His brother said that his
father Jacob instructed them in the following way: If you can raise heavenly
children, do so. [Vasa'il, v.21, p.356]Imam
Sajjad said:A
Muslim man is fortunate in these regards: 1) His place of business is in the
small city he lives in, so he can see his family after a day’s work. 2) His
friends are worthy and pious 3) He has a child whose help he can benefit from.
[Bihar al-Anwar, v.103, p.7]How
blessed is a worthy child that the Glorious Quran says:And
God has made for you mates (and Companions) of your own nature, and made for
you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren, and provided for you
sustenance of the best. [Holy Quran: Nahl: 16:72]Imam
Sadiq stated:In
the Hereafter, Muslim offspring will intervene on their parents behalf and the
intervention will be accepted.The
seventh Imam said:The
man who does not die until he sees his offspring is fortunate. [Vasa'il, v.21,
p.351-8]The
benefit of having children is so much that the Commander of the Faithful (Amir
al-Mumineen) said:A
child's illness is the penalty for the parent's sins.
The Prophet (Pbuh) said:Worthy
offspring are a bunch of sweet-smelling flowers which God has distributed
amongst his servants.[Ibid]And
the Prophet (Pbuh) said:Worthy
children are a bunch of sweet-smelling flowers from the Heavenly flowers. [Ibid]In
a tradition it was stated:The
Prophet (Pbuh) was on the Medina mosque pulpit preaching to the people when
Hassan and Husayn (peace be upon them) entered the mosque. They were both
wearing red shirts and while walking fell down. The Prophet (Pbuh) quickly came
down from the pulpit and picked up both children. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.42, p.284].Then
he recited the Quranic verse:Your
riches and your children may be but a trial: but in the Presence of God, is the
highest Reward. [Holy Quran: Tagabun: 64:15]In
Tehran, a subterranean water canal had been dug whose excavator was a man named
Hajj Alireza Zaba. For more than one-hundred years people from some parts of
Tehran used that water. One of the great theologians said that someone saw him
(the excavator) in his dreams. He was in a great orchard standing by a big
river. The excavator told the man that his orchard was one of Heaven's orchards
and that river was one of Heaven's, too. Those two blessings were the reward for
excavating that canal in Tehran. But, alas! I wish I had a child who had said
"There is no God but God" just once and then died. By stating his
belief in monotheism, a great benefit would have been mine.Love for children
The
Sixth Imam quoted upon the authority of the Prophet:Love
your children and have mercy on them. [Vasa'il, v.21, p.483]Some
people do not show much affection for their children or do not show their
affection. They are harsh and strict when interacting with their children. These
people must know that using this method, which is inhumane and unIslamic, will
deprive them of God's Mercy. Imam Sadiq said:In
fact, God shows mercy upon his servants, just for the strong love they have for
their offspring.[Ibid]The
Seventh Imam said:God
the Great does use things like His Anger against women and children. [Vasa'il,
v.21, p.484]God's
Anger is shown for the faithlessness and bad-temperedness to the family. The
Sixth Imam said:Moses
said the following to God when he was on the Tur Mountain: God, which action
according to you is the best one? God said that loving children is the best one.Kissing the Children
In
the valuable book Ruzat al-Vaizin Fatal Nayshaboori being one of the great
Shiite scholars has narrated an Immaculate Imam as saying:Kiss
your children a lot. For each kiss you will get a divine heavenly rank which
would otherwise take 500 years to achieve.A
man came to the Prophet (Pbuh) and said: I have never kissed my child. The
Prophet (Pbuh) said that in fact this man was a resident of the fire of Hell.
There is no difference between boys and girls in this regard. Those who look sad
when God grants them a daughter, are similar to the Arabs of the Age of
Ignorance: They are terribly stupid. God willing, I shall discuss later about
raising daughters, so that it becomes clear how valuable it is in Islam to raise
a daughter. Another important consideration regarding child rearing is stated byThe
Prophet (Pbuh) has issued a very important recommendation in this regard:Separate
the sleeping place of boys from boys, boys from girls, and girls from girls from
the age of ten. [Vasa'il, v.21, p.460]It
is not appropriate for two kids to sleep in the same bed, whether they be both
boys, a boy and a girl, or both girls. Islam does not approve of this. Imam
Sadiq said:Let
your children be free to play until they reach the age of seven. For the next
seven years, keep a really watchful eye on him/her. If he/she accepts to be
religious, it is fine. Else there is no good in him/her. [Vasa'il, v.21, p.473]The
Prophet (Pbuh) said:Teach
your children to swim and shoot. [Kafi, v.6, p.473]He
also said:Respect
your children, and improve their behavior. Then you shall be forgiven. [Vasa'il,
v.21, p.476]Malik
Denyar said:I
was ignorant, a loafer and I married three times. I divorced all of them for
being infertile. I had a son from my next wife. I took him to school at the age
of six. When I returned home in the evening, I saw that he was ill. Then I found
out that the following verse is the first thing that he was taught:A
Day that will make children hoary-headed?[Holy Quran: Muzzammil:73:17]We
could not treat his ailment, so he died. I went to stay beside his grave. One
night I dreamt that I was alone in a scary desert. A strange creature attacked
me. I started to run away, and then reached a wall. I tried to climb over the
wall to get over to the other side and escape. But suddenly I saw a few kids
playing. I called out to my son and asked where he was. He said that after he
died he was taken to a Quran class, so that by learning the Quran, he could
become qualified to enter Heaven, and gain God's Mercy. I asked him about the
nature of the creature that followed me. He said that was the manifestation of
my own ugly and immoral acts. I fearfully woke up and stopped all my wicked acts
and repented. Then I trotted down God's path.God's Will in Granting a Child
The
Holy God is the Creator of all He wills, the owner of the heavens and the Earth,
the Wise, the Powerful, the Just, the Merciful and the Benevolent. His will and
decision regarding his servants is pure kindness and favor. He is the
manifestation of love, mercy and nobleness and proper choosing. Whatever He
wants for His servants is appropriate for this world and the Hereafter. And the
servant must submit to God's Wisdom, Mercy and Will. This type of submission is
the highest form of spiritual worship and stems from morality of the Prophets
and the Saints, and the sign of love and understanding of God’s lovers and
mystics. All of the following cases are God's pure Mercy, Kindness and His
burning Love for His servants: the barren parents, the ones with a daughter; the
ones with a son and the mother who bears twins, one being a girl and one being a
boy.To
God belongs the dominion of the heavens and the Earth. He creates what He wills
(and Plans). He bestows (children) male or female according to His Will (and
Plan), or He bestows both males and females, and He leaves Barren whom He will:
[Holy Quran: Shura: 42:49-50]Based
on this noble verse, female offspring are an aspect of the kingship of God and
the manifestation of His will in Creation and the light of His knowledge and
power in regards to man. His knowledge and power, action and will, rule and
ownership deemed a couple to have a daughter. Getting upset about having a
daughter is a great sin, since it implies being upset with divine Ownership,
Creation, Choice, Knowledge and Ability. This is stupid, illogical and unwise.
As Imam Sadiq has said a baby who dies will be given to Sarah and Abraham in the
Purgatory to be raised, and then be saved for the parents until the Hereafter.
In the book Maskan al-Fowad, Shahid has narrated the sixth Imam as saying that
having patience when a baby dies and not crying a lot has a reward that is
greater than if the baby had not died, but grew up and fought as a soldier of
Imam Mahdi and became a martyr in God’s way.Imam
Husayn took his six-month-old baby to the tent, and gave him to his sister
Zaynab. Then he sat on the ground and asked God to accept his six-month-old
martyred baby as a credit for the Hereafter When a dead child is so important
and valuable for us ,then can you estimate the worth of a child which we raise,
educate and train expending a lot of our efforts? There is no difference between
a boy and a girl, just a child. It is said in verse twenty-eight of the Chapter
Anfal that children are God's test for man. If man is pleased with his child,
then he has succeeded in this test. If he tries to educate him and teach him
religion; provides the means for his marriage as much as he can; respects him;
honors him and respect his rights, then he shall attain a great reward. The Holy
Quran has said:Wealth
and sons are allurements of the life of this world. But the things that endure,
good deeds, are best in the sight of thy Lord, as rewards, and best as (the
foundation for) hopes. [Holy Quran: Kahf: 18:46]One
who strives to raise his children and gets them acquainted with God, the
Prophets, the leadership of the Imams and the Quran shall leave a highly
valuable thing behind which cannot be matched. This is better for him in the
presence of God and will be good for the Hereafter. Are not Mary, Khadijah, Asia
and Fatimah the best patrimonies that their fathers left behind. Why should
anyone get upset about having a daughter? Who knows what is in the womb? Does
anyone's will but God's affect the gender of the baby in the womb? This is God's
will and we should surrender to it. It is His Mercy, favor and kindness to grant
us a daughter. we should thank him all our life for this blessed daughter.
Remember that the Prophet (Pbuh) was granted a few sons named Qasem, Tayib,
Tahir and Abraham, however, neither one survived. God never congratulated him
for having a son, and no special verse of the Quran was revealed on these
occasions. But when Khadijah became pregnant with Fatimah, the Chapter Kauthar
of the Quran was revealed and he was informed of receiving a great deal of
blessings, and eternal goodness.Highly Important Traditions Regarding Raising a Daughter
It
is recommended to pray to God to give you a daughter, if you do not have one.
Prophet Abraham, who had Issac and Ismael prayed to God to have a daughter. His
prayer has been quoted by Imam Sadiq as: He asked God to give him a daughter so
there be at least someone to cry after his death and remember him. [Vasa'il al-Shiaa,
v.21, p.361; Al-i-Bayt Press].What is important in this tradition is not the
goal, rather it is the fact that a Prophet prays to have a daughter. It is an
honor to be the father of a girl, as the Noble Prophet of Islam was. It is a
real honor to have a girl and become similar to the Prophet (Pbuh) in this
respect. Imam Sadiq said: The Prophet (Pbuh) was the father of all girls. [Ibid]If
someone does not have a daughter, but has a sister, he still has some leeway to
receive God’s Mercy. The Sixth Imam said: Whoever has three daughters or three
sisters should go to Heaven. [Ibid]The
Prophet (Pbuh) said: Daughters are a blessing: they are kind, helpful, good
companions, blessed, and like cleanliness.[Vasa'il, v.21, p.362]The
Sixth Imam said: Whoever is the guardian of either two daughters, two aunts, or
two maternal aunts shall be protected from the fire of Hell.[Ibid]A
man informed another man who was sitting by the Prophet (Pbuh) that he had
become the father of a girl. The man turned pale. The Prophet (Pbuh) asked the
reason. He said: I left the house when my wife had pains. Now this man informed
me that I have a daughter. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: The earth shall support her,
the sky will be a shadow over her head, and God will grant her sustenance. She
is like a scented bunch of flowers you can smell. Then he turned to his
companions and said: Whoever has just one daughter has problems of raising her,
guarding her, preparing her dowry and providing for her marriage. Help whoever
has two daughters. Whoever has three daughters seems to be engaged in holy war,
and he is forgiven if he does any acts which he is admonished not to do. [Ibid]And
please help, lend money and have mercy upon whoever has four daughters. [Vasa'il,
v.21, p.365]How
dear daughters are that the Prophet (Pbuh) has advised his companions to help
those who have daughters and has established such help as a duty for the Muslim
nation!At
the time of Imam Sadiq a man's wife delivered a girl. He came to Imam Sadiq and
looked upset and angry. Imam Sadiq said: What would you say if God sent you a
revelation and asked you if you will let Him choose the gender of your child? He
said: Of course, I would ask God to choose for me. Then Imam Sadiq said: Well,
now God has chosen a daughter for you. Remember the story of Moses and Khizr.
When Khizr killed that child by God's command he told Moses: "I willed that
God give to his parents a better and more merciful child instead of him."So
we desired that their Lord would give them in exchange (a son) better in purity
(of conduct) and closer in affection. [Holy Quran: Kahf: 18:81]Instead
of that child that was killed by Khizr ( and Moses objected to this act). God
granted his parents a daughter from whose generation came seventy Prophets. [Kafi,
v.6, p.6; Vasa'il, v.21]Imam
Sadiq said: Daughters are good deeds and boys are God's blessings. Good deeds
will be given a reward, but one will be questioned about blessings.God
told his Prophet on the night of Ascension to Heaven:Tell
the father of girls, do not be impatient with your daughters, since I shall
provide for their sustenance just as I created them. [Ibid]Imam
Sadiq said: One who wished for the death of his daughter will be admitted to
God's presence in the Hereafter as a rebellious person [Ibid].The
Prophet (Pbuh) said: God the Glorious, and the Almighty is kinder to girls than
He is to boys. On the Day of Judgment God will please one who pleases his
daughters. [Vasa'il, v.20, p.364]The
Prophet (Pbuh) has said the following regarding the value of having a daughter:Your
best children are your daughters. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.104, p.91]The
Prophet (Pbuh) said: One who is the guardian of three daughters or sisters shall
certainly go to Heaven. They asked him what if one takes care of just two?He
replied yes. They asked him what if he takes care of just one daughter or one
sister? Again he replied yes.[Vasa'il, v.21, p.368]The
Prophet (Pbuh) said: One who goes to the market and buys something and brings it
home for his wife and children is similar to one who supports the needy.It
is better to give a priority to daughters in gifts. In fact, whoever pleases his
daughter gets the reward of having freed one of the slaves from the line of
Islamel.[Bihar al-Anwar, v.104, p.69]What
an amazing tradition? No other culture has supported having daughters this much
in human history.In
many tribes and nations, girls and women were in a terrible state. It was due to
the efforts of the Prophet (Pbuh) that a great spiritual revolution happened in
regards to the life of girls and women, and how they are treated. It is even
more amazing that the Prophet (Pbuh) has said: Do not hit your babies since
their crying has a meaning. The first four months of crying is professing the
unity of God, the second four months of crying is sending salutations to the
Prophet (Pbuh) and his household, and the third four months of crying is praying
for the parents. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.60, p.381] Therefore you should not beat one
who is professing God's unity, or is sending salutations to the Prophet (Pbuh)
and his household, or is praying for his/her parents. You should be considerate
of such a person, and be kind to him/her.Also
consider the following important tradition: Sakuni, who is one of the companions
of Imam Sadiq, said: I went to see Imam Sadiq when I was really sad. He asked me
the reason why and I replied that my wife had delivered a girl. He said: The
earth will support her, God will give her sustenance, she lives in a different
time period than you and she will eat her own share of daily bread. Then by God
I was relieved of the burden. Then the Imam asked me what name I had chosen for
her. When I said Fatimah, he put his hand over his fore-head giving a sigh of
relief said: Now that you have named her Fatimah, do not beat her, swear at her
nor damn her. [Kafi, v.6, p.48; Makarim al-Akhlagh, p.220; Vasa'il, v.21, p.482]The
Prophet (Pbuh) said: One who has a daughter should not prefer his sons over her,
or despise or scorn her. Then God will take him to heaven. [Marriage in Islam,
p.136]He
also said: The reward of one who has one daughter is greater than the reward of
one who goes on pilgrimage a thousand times, engages in holy war a thousand
times, makes sacrifices a thousand times or gives a thousand dinner parties.
[Ibid]